Every night, my laptop makes a back up of all the documents, pictures, films and other files I found interesting, useful or unmissable enough to save on my laptop’s hard drive. As it’s becoming an increasing digital world, I notice my digital captures of life are getting increasingly important to me too. I wouldn’t want to miss all my saved memories to events, special moments, learning curves and challenges. Everything, I have written about, studied on, taken pictures of, listened to, watched or sent out as applications. Apple calls my back-up a time capsule, which I only will need to open when my laptop or system dies.
Every night, my sleep takes care of a back up of my own system and the format of my body, brains and energy levels. Very important to fight mornings when my energy levels are low, nights when I can’t sleep, or days when I just have too much on my plate. Sadly, my regular backing up process is often clogged or disturbed, because I can’t sleep, or difficult moments, pains, worries and other sorrows make a back-up troublesome, or became files in my time capsule that should have been erased instead.
I sincerely hope they would see me as a person, who was brave enough to conquer her world. A person, who was strong enough to lead her life herself, instead of being led by her health. A person, who made the most out of her life, travelling, had a number of good friends, family support, found work in her passion, and loved helping the people she loved, as well as she let the people who loved her, help her out when she needed it.
They would also see my struggles with my health, and all its side effects on her life. Struggles as little as admin health tasks, to a not-so-healthy work attitude, medication, setting priorities, keeping friendships, trusting people, opening up in relationships, or fighting insecurity and moments when fears for what to come take the upper hand. They would probably tell that I should have worried less, should have enjoyed the days as they came, should have thrown out all the clutter in my head, and focus on what’s important to me, instead of carrying the whole world’s weight on my shoulders.
And, they would probably be laughing because of all the different interests they would find in my time capsule as my taste changed continuously. And they would spend years to go through an enormous amount of music, films and (decades of) pictures which accompanied me on happy, sad, beautiful, bad and troublesome moments in my life.